Update: First my nephews never get their talking Towelly dolls and now this? Screw you Cartoon Network! So 20th century. Here's a transcription:
Nathan: [reading the scripted commencement speech] Harvard... solutions... solutions to you...
Ofdensen: [whispers] Salutations!
Nathan: [tossing the speech aside] I don't need this stupid speech! (looking out at the graduates) You think you're smart huh? Think you can come up here and take a piece of this? Huh? Any of you? You? You? Listen, Harvard. I'm a billionaire. And most of you are gonna graduate and move back in with your parents! I'm gonna tell you somethin', though. We have something in common: we're all gonna die. No matter whatcha' do. No matter whatcha' do with your lives, you're dead! You're dead! You're dying. You're gonna die. All of you. Dead. You, dead. You, dead. All of you. You, lady? Your tits will be eaten by maggots. In just a few short years. So here's my message. My message to you. A very simple message: Go forth. Go forth, and DIIIIIE!
OK, here's the official site's version. You should just never buy anything by the company whose ad you have to sit through to get to the actual video. UPDATE 2020: OK now you don't have to watch the ad. Does Cartoon Network even still exist?